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Reposted by Outcastsuperstar in HBF in the Best of Happy Bachelors. Great piece written by tiredofit from the Don’t Get Married Board.

All men should NOT Marry

Young men shouldn’t marry… because they have their talents, dreams, and future to utilize. Women will marry young men as a sort of “down payment”, a future retirement plan.

Old men shouldn’t marry… because of their assets and wealth to be taken, and older women resemble mummies. Young women marry old men for the money when he dies.

Poor men shouldn’t marry… because they will forever remain a wage slave, working, working, working, until the day he dies or retires in his sixties. If she divorces, he is enslaved to child support payments and often kicked out of his own house.

Rich men shouldn’t marry… because most of the women will be gold diggers. During the marriage, she will siphon off much assets and wealth her way. If a divorce comes, she will take off with a good chunk of the cash.

Men with dreams shouldn’t marry… because the wife will stomp on those dreams and say that your purpose on Earth is to please her. You should either be pleasing her or making money for her to spend. Dreams are for children, dear.

Men without dreams shouldn’t marry… because all the pleasures you take in life, be it fishing, hunting, gaming, motorcycling, or football, will be diminished greatly if not removed entirely. Your hobbies become ‘guilt trips’ while your wife’s hobbies become ‘quality time’.

Religious men shouldn’t marry… because marriage has nothing at all to do with being religious. Jesus didn’t marry. Monks don’t marry. Churches are not men’s friends. Every church allows tons of divorces including Catholic Churches (under the skyrocketing annulments).

Non-religious men shouldn’t marry… because you are getting married to the government. If you say, “That is absurd! Married to the government? Ho ho! I am married to my woman!” then watch how the State falls upon your head when a divorce comes. “But I will never become divorced!” Then you get to remain in the Government sanctioned sex program that is called “Marriage”. What! You don’t think it is a government program? Try having sex outside of marriage. You may get away with it for a while… until a child appears and you get slammed with child support. You could co-habitate, yes, but the state will declare you two married and then you become “institutionalized” into marriage. Threats to the government sex program, i.e. marriage, such as prostitution is attacked and removed at every point. And the reason why the “free sex” exists out there in the first place is for the women, not the men, which is why media and even men say that getting laid is ‘getting lucky’ as if women have bestowed a favor on the guy.

What does all this mean?

It means DO NOT MARRY. It is not because women have a self-interest in regards to marriage. It is because male interests in marriage have been legislated out of existence. In Church, male interests have been moralized out of existence (while her interests are extolled).

Culturally, you will always be seen as a loser. Despite the gain of fame or wealth, you still remain a loser… only a USEFUL loser. Society will re-configure itself so that women are right… always… and forever… If a law says women should go to jail for murder… well, the courts will say, “She was distressed. It could not have been her fault,” and behold how the woman goes free. If a woman is in an argument, society and everyone will shift so the woman, in question, is right. If religion contradicts women, those parts of the religion will be left out. If history contradicts women then history will be re-edited so women are right. If Nature contradicts women (STDs, cervical cancer, can’t have children when 40), it is declared a “social crisis” and scientists are set to task of “fixing” the problem.

Not marrying won’t make you free and happy. But it will keep you from the shackles. You may think being lonely and single is misery, but it is paradise compared to the TRUE MISERY of marriage.

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Written by newer member of HBF, garvan as the thread is in the Best of Happy Bachelors http://happybachelor.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=best&action=display&thread=5531

Why Marriage Is Never Coming Back

Before the modern age we lived in a time where resources were tough to come by, work needed muscle, and the threat of death by ANYTHING was large, people banded together for their own mutual survival.

Marriage was one of the ways that humans banded together.

Marriage wasn’t perfect, but it enabled a man and a woman to maximize their survival potential. This wasn’t a time where the big problems were coming home fifteen minutes late and missing your favourite show. Hell this wasn’t even a time where because dinner wasn’t made you might go hungry for a day. This was a time where at any moment you could die, a wild animal, an unknown disease, drought, a falling rock, or even another human. Life was not something taken for granted.

Marriage wasn’t happiness. Marriage was survival. Marriage was optimal in many ways. Marriage provided ways of passing wealth down biological lineage, support, and created new members in a society or tribe in a time where there were much less human beings.

Technology changed everything.

Those of us in the western world no longer have worry about our daily bread. We no longer need someone to wash our clothes. We no longer need protection from many of the problems of the past. While many of us work longer hours than many of our ancestors, we no longer need to work to survive.

Homeless people don’t starve en masse, I can’t say it’s the healthiest living, but it’s a hell of a lot better than living through some of the periods in which ANY food would have been a blessing. I myself know many homeless men and women who manage to get by through pan handling, soup kitchens, and charity work. What can I say, I get along quite well with street urchin.

This is of course not even taking into account the mass of people on welfare or disability.

We no longer live in a world where we need interpersonal relationships for physical survival. Marriage was no longer needed for daily survival.

Marriage, which once required for survival had become outdated. I can’t necessarily place when our technology had made our co-dependence unnecessary, however it most likely happened without us truly realizing it. The change wouldn’t have even been noticeable to most… it would have simply manifested itself as more free time to be spent how an individual wished.

People however were quite stuck in their ways and traditions. Marriage was still looked upon as an ideal to live to, even as more and more technology was given to the masses to free up more of their time.

We even got to a point where as humans, we had so MUCH free time we didn’t know how to spend it all. Television, video games, and all sorts of other media came out to entertain us as now BOREDOM became a larger worry than being killed.

In truth, marriage isn’t natural. It was survival optimization. Humans are masters of bending nature to suit our own survival.

In previous eras, hunting was the optimal way of getting food. If you were hungry, you’d better make damn sure you caught something, even a squirrel… even if it took hours.

If you went out in today’s world with a sharp stick and spent eight hours to kill some squirrels for a bit of nibbling, not only would people think you’re weird, you’d probably think yourself as an idiot since you could’ve easily spent those eight hours working to get some food at the store, and still have tons left over.

We’re now in the age where marriage is as optimal as hunting squirrels with a stick.

For women, survival really ISN’T dependant on a man. Though most women would much rather have a man give them stuff, women recognize they’re not going to die from not having a man around.

Most women truly weren’t meant for marriage, and that’s fine. It wasn’t their nature, as many studies have shown. Their nature in regards to men was hypergamous. But starvation, death and rape fears, not being able to raise their children due to lack of support… those sorts of things can make a woman repress her nature. Under the threat of death, a person will do many things that go against their nature. Mind you, a lot of the reason a woman is even able to do what she does now is because of the government’s laws giving her tons of advantage and support by taking it from hard working men… but now a woman doesn’t need any particular man as long as the masses subsidise her. Women only worked at making marriage work when they knew they’d be dead without it.

Now that marriage isn’t needed for survival, women can finally indulge in their true nature, and have been doing so by riding the cock carousel like we see now.

Men on the other hand are only adapting now.

A man is no longer are NEEDED to support any one woman. Any additional support that a man gives is taken for granted as really, she doesn’t have any immediate fears of being killed. However, men are still stuck in the same mating strategy of using support and their ability to provide to get women through marriage. It’s a strategy that may have worked when women were actually afraid of dying without a man… but the threat of death is no longer imminent enough to make a provider desirable.

Now it’s our turn to fucking realize, marriage is an outdated sub-optimal mating strategy, especially when women are more worried about being bored than being killed. As even common men, we’ve certainly got options (more so than ANY TIME in history), the question is what one will make you happy?

Game allows us to mate through giving women what they emotionally want. Mastery allows all access to a plethora of women.

Prostitution and escorts allow us to trade money (which some of us have in abundance) and trade it for an even greater plethora of women, minus the bitching and effort game requires.

Then for those who refuse to adapt and find happiness in this new system there are some countries which are still far enough behind where marriage is an optimal survival strategy. You can always find companionship there.

There’s the ghost option. Some people work best alone, and some of the greatest minds of our civilization never married or had sex.

Some others still have taken the virtual route, like in Japan with love pillows and dating sims, or in North America with real dolls. In next 50 years, the perfect robot companion may be waiting at home to serve you dutifully and make you happy.

Yeah, maybe civilization is crumbling. Maybe we’re reaching a new level. I’m not certain where the future is going… all I know is that I WANT TO MAKE ME HAPPY. Now, that marriage doesn’t make life easier, and women don’t NEED it, I don’t have to worry about anyone else but myself.

I can choose to live my life in my own choosing, and have little worries of death the same way my ancestors did, and that’s an awesome thing.

Now, are you going to hunt fucking squirrels with a goddamn stick caveman, or are you going to use the ability of adaptation like your ancestors before you had use to survive, and figure out what works for this time period for the survival of your own happiness?

The way is yours to choose.

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Written by hhb in the Happy Bachelors Forum http://happybachelor.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=best&action=display&thread=5012

Bachelors are single precisely because they know what woman is, will be, and has been. A married man is clearly someone who did not know what was going on. People also make the assumption that being married is better than single – there is much to sell to woman in our materialist Anglosphere – so the merchants that be can’t say single is better, lest their sales of useless items go south permanently, thus our merchant culture of matrimony. Marriage has always been an obligation to man, but at least he got a hefty dowry from the woman in the past to compensate him for his troubles.

We all know in the Anglosphere that for men and women the majority of marriages end in divorce. Add the divorced to the never married and the majority are single, and stay that way.

Not-married is the norm for most people today.

Moreover, it is safe to say a relationship that leads to marriage is not a measure of success for a man, although society would have you think otherwise, but then again matriarchal wage slaves are needed to keep it running.

In our present reality, marriage, most of the time, is the first step towards divorce. It has a lousy track record. Statistically, most divorced people marry again (and divorce again.) The majority of first marriages end in divorce. The majority of second marriages end in divorce. The majority of third marriages end in divorce, etc. It seems folks like marriage, but they don’t like who they marry. In other words, if your car was as reliable as marriage, every time you got in it you’d have a better than one in two chance of crashing.

Thus, following reason, one should marry someone you don’t like and make someone miserable who deserves it. As the comedian said, he was going to buy a house and give it away to a woman he hates and skip the entire marriage/divorce part.

That is a fact of life today.

Anyway we cut it, marriage is a failure as it is now employed, which implies the married man is a failure – right out of the gate.

Furthermore, we all know of the study by the marriage counsel of Princeton University reporting that the marriage rate has never been lower. For such a “great” institution, marriage has a lousy track record that is only getting worse – record high divorces and record low proposal rates.

Wishing is wanting it to be better. Reason tells us it is in jeopardy as a social institution.

Single men far and wide are some of the happiest people in the world. They are successful in their endeavors of choice and their accomplishments of them, while the married man is still dreaming of his – which he knows he will never attain – slaves are accustom to dreaming, freemen are accustom to living their dreams out.

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The Story of Mike

Posted by Outcastsuperstar in HBF but was posted originally in MarkyMark’s blog who is also a great member of HBF. Mirrored this story here.

Source: ht tp://markymarksthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/07/story-of-mike.html

MarkyMark,

I’m writing this to tell you of an old friend of mine, a man I greatly respected and the tale of his life. What makes this man special is the that by all accounts his life, his married life, working life, and family life, was a "success" by the standards laid down by modern society. I’ll call him Michael (not is real name) and he was a true blue worker, very intelligent, and raised to provide by two parents who stayed together and raised their son with strict Baptist values. He wasn’t all that handsome but invested his younger years diligently, pursuing an engineering degree at Duke University back when grade inflation didn’t exist (early 1960’s). The girls he dated, well, he didn’t date much as he was a nerd and being the 60’s the girls with the new freedom used that freedom to ride the cock train of football players and players in general. The new age of sexual emancipation left Mike at the station. Years after college Mike met a girl who had gotten her fill of the bad boys, and they started dating. True she was no virgin while Mike was, she’d had several relationships and relations before but she recognized the value of Mike in that he had a new job with an up and coming career track – computers! Misinterpretation of his prior religious teaching ordered him to forgive this girl’s past and instead focus only on the future. It was his duty after all. He married her and worked, hard. His father worked for the railroad and the company had taken care of him so Mike knew that this was the way to a good life. Work hard, and the company would reward and take care of you. Then the 1970’s hit with the Carter recession and all that loyalty and hard work amounted to nothing. Still he tried again, found another job (that forced him to move frequently) and this one wanted even more hours than the prior job. I remember him saying "It’s Friday do you know what that means? It’s only two more working days until Monday!" and off he’d go. Everyday. For 43 years. He had two children, a boy then a girl, and worked while his wife stayed at home. Later on after the children were out of high school Mikes wife dabbled a little here and there and worked part time occasionally for a convenience store. The extra money was nice but not enough so she pecked Mike continuously to make extra money. It was never enough. "Go tell your boss you need more! You should show him your value! A real man would provide for his children!" and on it went. Mike was getting older now, and had always had diabetes, a life long condition he had to treat with regular insulin injections. The shots were painful but he needed them to think straight. Of course there was the time he was laid off in 1980 with no insurance and the daughter needed braces. A real man knows when to put others first after all. And of course when the mother in law needed a new roof, and he really had promised his wife that new washing machine, and oh she needed to go see her mother for Christmas as well and airfare was so expensive. So the medicine(s) waited, more than once.

His children were boomerang types, his daughter slutted it up with a guy and moved in with him but later on came back home until she was able to snag a younger version of Mike. His son dropped out of college a few times and then came home to be a bum for 2 years after deciding that work was too nerve wracking. Mike would never throw his children out so they stayed for several more years. Several more. Finally when his son hit 28 he found a slut with a child from another guy and got her pregnant. The girl wanted a lavish wedding but his son was only working at a book store and couldn’t afford it – no big wedding so it seemed. Mike’s wife knew better of course, and argued with him for months about paying for the big day. She’d gotten a lavish wedding (thank you Mike) and didn’t Mike know how important a wedding is to his future daughter? Yes this was his vacation money, yes after so many years of hard work he was finally going to get to go do something he always wanted (to see the Northern lights in Alaska). Yes he was going to finally get that Harley Davidson and ride up there after 35 years of no vacations at all. BUT This was going to be his daughter according to his wife and his kids HAD to come first…. So the girl got her wedding. Then his real daughter needed help with a house. Her new husband turned out not to be a copy of Mike after all but a thug with a criminal record who had just lost his job. Why did his daughter lie about this guy to Mike? Her wedding was very expensive too. Oh well it was too late now and his daughter did need a place to live and she just found out she was pregnant! He didn’t have the money but his wife researched it and 2nd mortgages were so easy to get back then. True, his house after so many years of work was almost paid off but his grandchild needed a real home and there was no way his new son in law could afford it and Mike was told he could now work up to 10 hours more overtime if he wanted. 60 hours wasn’t too much of a sacrifice and he’d at least get a leg up on that promotion, maybe.

Another decade passed and after scrimping and saving and even more hard work the mortgages were paid off. In a rare perfect storm both children (now well into there 30’s with kids of their own) didn’t need something. The mother in law didn’t need a new appliance, or home repair, or another new car being long past her driving years. Yes, now, this was the time. Mike now 64, proudly strode into the Harley dealership and filled out a custom order sheet. In 8 weeks a shiny new Harley would arrive and he would get to ride it. He would finally take a vacation, his first real vacation since college. Sure his wife and kids had gone on many many vacations over the years but he always had stayed behind – to work. Something always came up. One time it was that there just wasn’t money or neighbors to take care of – of all things – the dogs! 3 Lassa’s that Mike never wanted yipping and shitting all over the place. Ugh… still at least his wife would get a vacation – she deserved it after all didn’t she? There was even that one time (he hoped it was just the one time) where he found out his wife had hooked up with an old boyfriend when she said she was going to visit her mother. He forgave her of course a divorce would have devastated his kids (he knew they were his – or at least he hoped) and of course he’d have lost everything with the divorce laws – besides wasn’t he a Christian? Shouldn’t he just forgive and forget? What does his pride or even himself matter? He had never cheated on her or even been with another woman – not even once – but that was normal and he knew that she appreciated that didn’t she?

The last big push before new years came at work and Mike was tired. His wife as always spent Christmas and new years with her mother – and he knew this time she really was with her mother – she was too old to cheat on him now wasn’t she? When she got back he would be free of dog sitting and he would take his new Harley on the road for the first time. Shiny and red, he hadn’t even ridden it yet. He read the owner’s manual 100 times and knew everything about it, he couldn’t wait and it was all he talked about at work! It was brand new and kept in the garage but he stripped the engine and cleaned and oiled everything just to make sure! It was polished, waxed, and hospital clean. All was ready. His first ride on his HIS!! brand new Harley to see the Northern lights. It was the culmination of his life’s work and now it was really going to happen. Mike was so excited.

On December 29th his daughter called and left an angry message on the tape machine. She wanted to visit but the snow was blocking the drive-way and she had her daughter and no snow shovel! Why the f**k hadn’t Mike shoveled the driveway? He knew she was coming to visit that lazy good for nothing piece of crap. NOTE: the words she used were in reality more caustic than this – I have lightened them considerably.

On January 3rd his son came to visit and found his father cold and lifeless surrounded by a ring of dog shit. He’d had a massive stroke, likely from the diabetes, and the paramedics said they thought that he didn’t suffer for long – but it was hard to tell. When Mike’s wife returned later on she immediately made plans to sell the house. She raged that Mike hadn’t left her enough life insurance and no instructions on what to do – what a irresponsible man what the hell was he thinking? He should have provided better for her especially since he knew she was too old to work! She was 62!!! Insurance was so expensive for someone in his condition but if he hadn’t squandered *their* money on that stupid bike he could have afforded it. Her old boyfriend George was so much more successful – oh how she regretted not marrying him! The bike was listed on Ebay that week. "Never ridden Harley – brand new! $17,000 or best offer".

By every PC measure Mike’s life was a success. He worked his whole life for someone else and doubtless made millions for his bosses over the course of his career. He took care of 3 people and two grandchildren that would have been on the dole if not for his efforts, and paid punitive taxes to take care of many more along the way. He never collected a dime of social security or unemployment even when he was laid off – he was just too proud to file. He never took Medicare and he made lots of profit for 2 large banks, 2 colleges, and never once thought of himself. He died cold and alone, surrounded by shit, never once having done anything for himself. His epitaph was a bike on Ebay – his life’s dream – sold to a dealer for $15,500 – the best offer his widow could get several years ago. She took a cruise with the money. America thanks you Mike. You were a real success, and moreover a blueprint for what we expect a modern man to be. R.I.P.

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Gobble, gobble…..

Written by christopheroregon in HBF


Sigh.

Another one of my co-workers has just been plucked clean as a Thanksgiving turkey this week by his ex wife.

Him: 32, three kids.

Income: Base salary: $60,000 a year. Supplemental income has pretty much dried up.

Her: 29, ditto on the kids.

Income: About $50,000 a year.

He had inherited his parent’s home free and clear. She was awarded the home, subject to review after the youngest child is grown. Meaning: he’ll never see the place again, since the youngest child is two.

She gets full and total custody of all children due to false allegations of domestic abuse.

Child support amounts to a whopping $1500 a month.

She will receive $1000 a month in spousal support, to be reduced slightly every year, I believe. I’m not sure of the duration.

She was awarded both cars.

She was awarded all furniture and all household items.

She was awarded all bank accounts.

She even took his X-Box and all of his video games. Even Halo. :o

Just so you don’t think he was forgotten:

He was awarded all marital debts, which are sizable. Including the car payment for the one car that wasn’t paid for.

He was awarded his bicycle.

He was awarded an entire closet full of his clothing. Wow!

He was awarded the value of half his comic book collection, which is considerable. She, of course, has custody of the comic books, and who knows how she’ll dispose of them and for what price.

He was given zero custody of “her” children, and zero visitation. Possible supervised visitation to be decided at a later date. Depending on his behavior.

He was awarded a continuation of a restraining order that bars him from any contact from his ex-wife, or his, uh, HER children. No contact, accidental or otherwise. Any violation of this restraining order will land him in jail- period.

He stands to quite possibly lose his career due to the false DV charges.

Some pertinent facts: His wife has been hostile and violent to both he and the children. The judge, a female, basically ignored his accusations.

His ex-wife is threatening to move to Florida, and he will, in all probability, never see his children again if that happens.

Now, for the fun part:

After subtracting for child support, spousal support, a car payment, and her credit card debt, he is left with (drum roll):

Approximately $160 a month to live on. Yes, let me repeat that:

One-hundred-sixty dollars and an odd number of cents. Give or take.

This has to cover food, rent, transportation, replacement of lost household items….basically everything. One-hundred-sixty dollars a month.

What? You want more? You greedy little devils, you. Okay. It gets better.

He was maxing out his overtime prior to the divorce. Working right and left. A part time job, to boot.

Sounds good? Right? Well, no. Due to the economy, his part time work has just evaporated. Plus, his overtime has been all but eliminated.

Well, the courts being fair and all, he’ll just trot on down to the court house and get a reduction in payments to his wife, right?

Right?

Wrong.

No such luck. By maintaining a high income in the recent past, he has shown his POTENTIAL to earn the higher amount, and any drop in pay will be viewed as a deliberate attempt to defraud his ex-wife out of what she is entitled to receive.

This guy is in a state of shock. He has no recourse, no avenues of escape, no nuthin’. He is trapped, neutered, castrated, hog-tied and doomed.

Oh, I almost forgot. He got to keep his bicycle helmet. Actually, he snuck it out when no one was looking. On the day he was served with notice by police to vacate the premises, he was given fifteen minutes to remove his clothing and his bicycle. He was allowed to remove nothing else.

Imagine this: he’s standing in the front yard of the house he was given by his now deceased parents, trying desperately to gather up a large pile of clothing and load it up on his bicycle before his fifteen minutes ran out. That’s what happened to him.

And what’ll probably happen to you if you’re stupid enough to get married.

Christopher in Oregon

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What men should know before getting married

by evergreen in HBF

I found this article from Craigslist Toronto Rants and Rave here and found it so true for marriage in North America and I heard from the rest of the Angelosphere as well. The link is dead as this is last year’s article. All men in North America should know these things about women.

hxxp://toronto.craigslist.ca/tor/rnr/525306667.html

Date: 2008-01-01, 6:15PM EST

I think that there is a lot of unduly inflammatory and derogatory talk about women and marriage these days, and I believe that this stifles men from understanding several truisms about marriage. Women are not “bad people”, “out to destroy men”, or “trying to trick men”. Women and society simply have certain characteristics and men should be aware of these characteristics when they decide whether or not to get married.

1. You will be having sex once a month. This is not because women are trying to withhold sex from you. It is also not because women view sex (and particularly fellatio) as a “loss leader” or “necessary evil” before marriage. It is simply because women (unlike men) need to be seduced before sex. This means that during the courtship period where there are many romantic and fun events going on, she will want to have sex more often. After marriage, on the other hand, there will be far fewer of these romantic and fun events because (particularly if there are children) there is a lot of work to be done in order for the family to function smoothly. You will notice that if you take your wife to Paris or buy her jewelry, then you will all of sudden be having sex as often as you did before marriage. Some men would interpret this as a woman being some type of gold-digger or prostitute. However, it is simply a reflection that if a woman is feeling elated (something that will not happen very often after dealing with screaming kids all day), then she will want to have sex.

2. Women need a lot of attention. If you have ambitions on having a great career, then you should definitely not get married. This is because wives take a lot of time. You will need to speak to her on the phone, be home for dinner, go on vacations with her, and so one. Many men think that women will understand and accept that careers take a lot of time and effort to build, but this is not the case. Women, however, are unwilling to be left sitting at home all day until you arrive at 10:00 pm because you had a “big meeting”. Again, inflammatory language about women being “dream killers” or “life destroyers” is not helpful. You simply need to know that careers take a lot of time and your wife will also take a lot of time, and there will not be enough time available to have both. To put it another way, how would you like to live with someone you rarely saw? Wouldn’t you want to find someone that you could at least see on a regular basis?

3. Women become less attractive over time. First, they gain weight. This is because married women have a lot to do (ie. taking care of the kids) and it is difficult to make exercising a priority. When they were younger, they could count on their high metabolism to keep thin, but that high metabolism is long gone. It is not that your wife is intentionally ballooning up after marriage, but this is what happens. If you can’t accept being with a “fattie”, then don’t get married. Second, wrinkles etc. appear and there is little that even the finest and expensive plastic surgeon can do. If you don’t believe me, type in the name of any aging movie star and see how she looked in her prime and how she looks today.)

4. Marriage is a partnership. This, to my mind, is one of the hardest concepts for men to understand. They typically think of marriage as being what it used to be – a lifetime commitment. You need to understand that in a partnership (any partnership), if one person is unhappy, then that person can leave at anytime. Saying “till death do us part” in church is only binding in church. Once you are out the church doors, the marriage is determinable at will.

5. Men are always the losers in a divorce. If you or your wife want to get divorced, then the court will follow a very set pattern. The first issue is money. Since you have a greater earning capacity than your wife, the court will order that you must work to provide money to support the family. The second issue is custody of the kids. Since you are busy working, your wife will get custody. The third issue is the residence of the kids. Since your wife will decide that she wants a “fresh start” on the other side of the country and since it is in the “best interests” of the kids to have a happy custodial parent, the court will allow her to move across the country.

6. It is crucial that you ask your potential wife if she will change her last name to yours after marriage. If she refuses, then you will know that she is a very independent women and does not have family values. Any aspirations that you may have of someone calling your house and hearing an outgoing phone message saying that they have reached the “Smith family” will be over when she says she is not changing her last name. Also, there is going to be big problem with the last of the children, because your wife is not going to want the last name of “her kids” to be different than her last name. You should note that in some jurisdications (like Ontario, Canada), women have the sole right to name the children. Men have no right to any input whatsoever.

7. Your only role in the family is to pay the bills. This is very hard for men to accept, but women are absolutely convinced that they know what is best. You will not have “discussions” with your wife. Instead, she will “explain” to you why things must be done her way. This will, in effect, limit your input into the family to supplying the money that is needed to allow the family to function. You should also know that making money will be seen as very easy by your wife and not something that is worthy of respect. This is because she will know about all the hardships she suffered that day (because she experienced them), but the hardships you suffered will be foreign and unrelatable to her. Also, if you do not fulfill your role of paying the bills, then your wife will divorce you. This will be dressed up as her “not being happy” but you will notice very quickly that her new husband, coincidentally, is able to pay a lot of bills. (I would add that your only defence in a bad marriage is to quit your job. To be clear, don’t threaten to quit your job, just quit it. This will shock your wife into seeing that you were doing something useful for the family afterall.)

8. You will not be able to watch what you want on television. This may sound trivial, but you should definitely try unplugging your television for a couple of months before getting married.

9. Ugly women can cause just as much trouble as good looking women. I am only making this point, because I know that some men think that the “problems with women” only apply to very attractive women and so if they find a less attractive woman, then they won’t have to deal with the above. This is not true. Women behave very similarly in similar circumstances. Even the ugliest woman among us believes that she is beautiful on the inside and once you get married she will act as married women do.

I know what you are thinking. That your girlfriend is different and that the above won’t apply to you. You are also thinking that you and your girlfriend are in love and that this again makes you an exception. You are, of course, free to think what you want, but I wish I had been warned.

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