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Archive for December, 2009

by spocksdisciple in HBF

With most us here being bachelors I am curious as to how a lot of you handle being alone, or spending time alone? Do you welcome time alone or fear/dislike it?

To me, the definition of bachelorhood is not being in a committed relationship, to me it has nothing to do with being alone or being lonely.
Only women define being single with such negative connotations.
So how does the membership here handle being alone a lot of the time? or maybe you have an active social life and are never really alone?

Personally, I like being alone more then being around other people, I have a high threshold of sensitivity to crowds and very much dislike crowded situations and prefer a quiet place to think. To me as the title of this post states, Loneliness is a state of mind. Having said that I ask, are men superior and better “equipped” to handle solitude then women in general?

For me solitude is “character building”, it strengthens and doesn’t weaken a man who is properly prepared to handle it. I know solitude is used as a form of punishment in prisons but for the properly prepared man this isn’t really a punishment at all but a chance to build his inner strength, if you can handle solitary confinement you can handle almost anything else IMO.

Whereas for women, the thought of solitude and being alone seems to deeply terrify a lot of them!, personally I can never understand their need to “swarm” like bees and constantly drone on with other women about the most trivial nonsense! The S/N ratio is very low in women’s communications with each other.

Married women never seem to get the hint that men need their “cave” time and to be away from the noise of the social scene, at least this has been my observation. Men need and require time alone to develop properly, whereas I’ve observed manginas and in general gay men need a lot more social interaction in their lives then most “men” (ie they tend towards the same behavioral model as women).

Note that in the first half of the 20th century women tended to like and desire the strong, silent type of guy who radiated inner strength without the verbosity which most women seem to demand these days from men. (ie the man has to be “communicative” and “sensitive” and various other “ives”)
I wonder if silence (reticence) is a threatening quality to women today which is why quiet men are laughed at and not taken seriously.

Finally, for me loneliness is how you perceive and define it, if you can master the art of solitude and know how to deal with occasional feelings of loneliness, I think such a person would be ultimately freed from the “desires of the world” as the Buddhists would phrase it, and would be completely immune to the manipulations of modern women(who think men can’t stand being alone either). ie you would be the classic “Happy Bachelor!” or at least a content one 🙂

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by evergreen in HBF.

10 Reasons Women Date Jerks Instead of Nice Guys

1) It’s more fun to complain about them to her friends.

2) Guys who actually like her just aren’t challenging or exciting.

3) When she does date nice guys, they turn into jerks anyway, so why not save time and go for the jerk in the first place?

4) She won’t get as emotionally attached to a jerk, so she’ll be more in control.

5) All the other women want them, so they must be worth having.

6) Affection means more when it comes from a guy who doesn’t normally give it.

7) Guaranteed to cheat on her so someone else can endure his lack of lovemaking skills most of the time.

8) No need to feel guilty for abusing or deceiving them.

9) Jerks will actually tell her when they don’t like what she’s doing instead of getting mad about it six months later.

10) She was looking for someone she can’t trust, and won’t care about too much, who will abuse her mentally and financially, but she didn’t know any lawyers.

I found this on Heartless Bitches ( hxxp://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/datejerk.shtml )

Thought some of you might find it interesting about North American women…. NOT.

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by evergreen in HBF.

Got this in Craigslist Toronto early last year but by now the link is dead.

Basically the poster was responding to feminists in that board and clearly describe what’s wrong with North American women acting like boys or men, and how Foreign women have lots of feminine qualities. I see the same thing the differences between foreign vs. North American women as the poster wrote below.

hxxp://toronto.craigslist.org/rnr/295186073.html

re: foreign women
Date: 2007-03-16, 4:45PM EDT

I second that.

Old argument, but it’s true!

I traveled for a few months abroad in Europe and Asia, and could not believe the difference in “foreign” women to North American girls.

The foreigners seemed like “real women” somehow, whereas the girls here are not attractive to me! For a long time I suspected I might be gay, because I have been put off by so many of the women here, despite them being technically OK-looking… I thought, what is wrong with me? Why aren’t I attracted to these girls? I only jerk off to pictures of girls online, and even tried out some gay porn as an experiment, but it didn’t do it for me.

So what is the problem?

I think it is because the woman here subtlety ACT LIKE MEN. Though they might look pretty, they put out signals which are coded with a very male-vibe. People on this board seem to call that “feminism” – I dunno if I agree with that term or not – but I do agree that generally speaking, the woman I see here are NOT GIRLY – not in the way that is unconsciously attractive to men. They think and behave like men in (sometimes very attractive) female bodies. I think it tends to shut down my unconscious desire to pursue them as mates… I can admire their beauty, but I don’t feel “it” – that pull to want to get to know them better. I think my biology gets confused. I am attracted to their body, but put off by their mannishness.

I remember sitting around at a party, and all the girls were playing video games and hooting like 10-year old boys – loud, obnoxious, being really over-the-top violent and vulgar – It was really weird. I remember I made eye contact with this other guy in the room and WE WERE BOTH THINKING IT – because as boys, we remember behaving like that when we were 10. We never spoke about it, but it’s like we had both agreed that this was fucked up! Girls should not act like this.

It’s hard to define what I mean by “real women”. I know a lot of girls on this board will get all up in arms that I’m being sexiest – it’s not that… I don’t expect a “real woman” to be subservient, weak, vulnerable, or stupider than me. But dammit, I DO expect her to be GIRLY! She should have a feminine energy about her – the moon to my sun, the yin to my yang, and so on… I don’t care what she looks like on the outside – she should be a girl on the inside.

That is what I saw in the European and Asian women… they had more innate “girliness” – They are sexier, more lithe, sleek, seductive, move with more grace, have a more delicate, refined mystique about them. Their body language is softer, cooler, more reserved… But these are not weak women! Hidden in that is a sly strength, like a purring tiger, ready to pounce and strike. They are not as outwardly crass and outspoken, not as boarish and boyish, and not as bullish and frantic as their NA counterparts. They still know subtlety is sexy, that less is more, and that they have power as women that doesn’t come exclusive from their tits.

I suspect that North American girls have just been over-exposed to (and corrupted by) our hyper-aggressive male-driven corporate culture. It’s trained them to behave like men in the boardroom – and now they unconsciously do it outside of it as well. It has nothing to do with “equal rights” and everything to do with the unconscious dynamics of gender cues. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck……

I suspect every time a guy posts his dating woes bitching about all the “cold” women of TO, he is unconsciously referencing this. Women here are just not naturally that attractive to men outside of money and power structures. The men, for their part, are acting mostly on their biological imperatives, geared for feminine woman – instead, they are meeting the wall of women-turned-woMEN, who demand an even MORE aggressive hype-male version to be successful in the club/dating scene (i.e. the “Seduction Game”)

Guys, I say you have three realistic choices:

1. Learn the Game and be a “playa”

2. Try to find the ‘needle in the haystack’ in Toronto – a woman that is still a woman, inside and out

3. Get the hell outta dodge and enjoy the experience of “real woman” elsewhere

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What men should know before getting married

by evergreen in HBF

I found this article from Craigslist Toronto Rants and Rave here and found it so true for marriage in North America and I heard from the rest of the Angelosphere as well. The link is dead as this is last year’s article. All men in North America should know these things about women.

hxxp://toronto.craigslist.ca/tor/rnr/525306667.html

Date: 2008-01-01, 6:15PM EST

I think that there is a lot of unduly inflammatory and derogatory talk about women and marriage these days, and I believe that this stifles men from understanding several truisms about marriage. Women are not “bad people”, “out to destroy men”, or “trying to trick men”. Women and society simply have certain characteristics and men should be aware of these characteristics when they decide whether or not to get married.

1. You will be having sex once a month. This is not because women are trying to withhold sex from you. It is also not because women view sex (and particularly fellatio) as a “loss leader” or “necessary evil” before marriage. It is simply because women (unlike men) need to be seduced before sex. This means that during the courtship period where there are many romantic and fun events going on, she will want to have sex more often. After marriage, on the other hand, there will be far fewer of these romantic and fun events because (particularly if there are children) there is a lot of work to be done in order for the family to function smoothly. You will notice that if you take your wife to Paris or buy her jewelry, then you will all of sudden be having sex as often as you did before marriage. Some men would interpret this as a woman being some type of gold-digger or prostitute. However, it is simply a reflection that if a woman is feeling elated (something that will not happen very often after dealing with screaming kids all day), then she will want to have sex.

2. Women need a lot of attention. If you have ambitions on having a great career, then you should definitely not get married. This is because wives take a lot of time. You will need to speak to her on the phone, be home for dinner, go on vacations with her, and so one. Many men think that women will understand and accept that careers take a lot of time and effort to build, but this is not the case. Women, however, are unwilling to be left sitting at home all day until you arrive at 10:00 pm because you had a “big meeting”. Again, inflammatory language about women being “dream killers” or “life destroyers” is not helpful. You simply need to know that careers take a lot of time and your wife will also take a lot of time, and there will not be enough time available to have both. To put it another way, how would you like to live with someone you rarely saw? Wouldn’t you want to find someone that you could at least see on a regular basis?

3. Women become less attractive over time. First, they gain weight. This is because married women have a lot to do (ie. taking care of the kids) and it is difficult to make exercising a priority. When they were younger, they could count on their high metabolism to keep thin, but that high metabolism is long gone. It is not that your wife is intentionally ballooning up after marriage, but this is what happens. If you can’t accept being with a “fattie”, then don’t get married. Second, wrinkles etc. appear and there is little that even the finest and expensive plastic surgeon can do. If you don’t believe me, type in the name of any aging movie star and see how she looked in her prime and how she looks today.)

4. Marriage is a partnership. This, to my mind, is one of the hardest concepts for men to understand. They typically think of marriage as being what it used to be – a lifetime commitment. You need to understand that in a partnership (any partnership), if one person is unhappy, then that person can leave at anytime. Saying “till death do us part” in church is only binding in church. Once you are out the church doors, the marriage is determinable at will.

5. Men are always the losers in a divorce. If you or your wife want to get divorced, then the court will follow a very set pattern. The first issue is money. Since you have a greater earning capacity than your wife, the court will order that you must work to provide money to support the family. The second issue is custody of the kids. Since you are busy working, your wife will get custody. The third issue is the residence of the kids. Since your wife will decide that she wants a “fresh start” on the other side of the country and since it is in the “best interests” of the kids to have a happy custodial parent, the court will allow her to move across the country.

6. It is crucial that you ask your potential wife if she will change her last name to yours after marriage. If she refuses, then you will know that she is a very independent women and does not have family values. Any aspirations that you may have of someone calling your house and hearing an outgoing phone message saying that they have reached the “Smith family” will be over when she says she is not changing her last name. Also, there is going to be big problem with the last of the children, because your wife is not going to want the last name of “her kids” to be different than her last name. You should note that in some jurisdications (like Ontario, Canada), women have the sole right to name the children. Men have no right to any input whatsoever.

7. Your only role in the family is to pay the bills. This is very hard for men to accept, but women are absolutely convinced that they know what is best. You will not have “discussions” with your wife. Instead, she will “explain” to you why things must be done her way. This will, in effect, limit your input into the family to supplying the money that is needed to allow the family to function. You should also know that making money will be seen as very easy by your wife and not something that is worthy of respect. This is because she will know about all the hardships she suffered that day (because she experienced them), but the hardships you suffered will be foreign and unrelatable to her. Also, if you do not fulfill your role of paying the bills, then your wife will divorce you. This will be dressed up as her “not being happy” but you will notice very quickly that her new husband, coincidentally, is able to pay a lot of bills. (I would add that your only defence in a bad marriage is to quit your job. To be clear, don’t threaten to quit your job, just quit it. This will shock your wife into seeing that you were doing something useful for the family afterall.)

8. You will not be able to watch what you want on television. This may sound trivial, but you should definitely try unplugging your television for a couple of months before getting married.

9. Ugly women can cause just as much trouble as good looking women. I am only making this point, because I know that some men think that the “problems with women” only apply to very attractive women and so if they find a less attractive woman, then they won’t have to deal with the above. This is not true. Women behave very similarly in similar circumstances. Even the ugliest woman among us believes that she is beautiful on the inside and once you get married she will act as married women do.

I know what you are thinking. That your girlfriend is different and that the above won’t apply to you. You are also thinking that you and your girlfriend are in love and that this again makes you an exception. You are, of course, free to think what you want, but I wish I had been warned.

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Posted by Lee in HBF as he is a happy bachelor.

For the past 3 months I have been staying with relatives in Phoenix. They are retired, middle class, 64. She a lifelong homemaker, he a machinist. These people have welcomed me into their home and let me stay here as I prepare to leave the USA. Very cool relatives of mine, we have a good relationship and get along well.

The complex they live in is a standard 55+ place in PHX. Monday at noon, jam session. Tuesday and Thursdays Poker Nights, Wed Bridge, Friday Ice Cream Socials. Best case scenario for marrying a woman in the US. Had 2 kids, 3 grand kids, they live within 30 minute drive. Not divorced, together for 36 years.

Now for the downside:

This is the most dull and boring existence I could ever create, if that was my goal. They haven’t had sex in over a decade and she says “He WISHES he’s been getting it all these years!!!”. Food has replaced emotion, life, love, sex, excitement and adventure. Television rounds out the remainder of their spare time.

Routine:

Get up at 8am
Breakfast and coffee
He goes off to work.
She does chores to 11am.
Turns on TV watches it until 4pm
Prepares dinner
He gets home at 6pm
Dinner to 7:30
Watch TV to 10:30
He goes to bed first
She watches TV until he falls asleep
She goes to bed.

Repeat, forever.

Another thing:

Do not retire to a complex with other old people. The hormones and pheromones will have your body’s’ biology getting in synch with theirs, and you will begin to age also. Only spend time around young people if you want to stay young.

I find the excess of time to be maddening. I need something to do for a good 12 hours a day and watching television (and lately, being on the internet) simply isn’t good enough. Education, classes, work is needed.

I have realised that retirement as a Goal, those Golden Years when you don’t have to work, it’s not enjoyable. Not for me. Not fun, at all. Maybe if I had worked 30 years as a manual laborer and literally just wanted to sit down, relax and rest, then I would like it. But I haven’t, and I don’t.

On the other hand too much work isn’t great either.

I am looking to strike a balance, maybe 9 months work 3 months off per year. It has taken me 7 months to decompress from the job I left. 7 months for 42 months of work equals one month off for each 6 months of work. I will err on the side of relaxation. 9 on 3 off.

This week I am off to Mexico, getting a place of my own, going to live there for 4 months or more. Work there for ESL, then off to another place.

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Posted in HBF by GGJake, source : hxxp://www.womensinfidelity.com/
Women’s relationships today follow
a very predictable pattern:

*

They push men for commitment
*

They get what they want
*

They lose interest in sex
*

They become attracted to someone else
*

They start cheating
*

They become angry and resentful
*

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
*

They blame their partners for their behavior…and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

If you’re a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wifeďż˝s or girlfriendďż˝s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a ďż˝good girl.ďż˝ Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives’ and girlfriends’ infidelities.

If youďż˝re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be “not the type” who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you’re shocked and appalled by your behavior; but at the same time you can’t stop cheating.

Women’s relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same pattern unless we develop an accurate understanding of females ─ particularly in regard to their sexuality. In fact, after researching women’s sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous.

The media has finally begun to acknowledge, albeit to a small degree, the widespread problem of female infidelity. Recently, several books and articles have attempted to explain why women are now cheating as much as men. However, none were successful in their attempt. All of them left out very important pieces to this extremely complicated puzzle. I believe the majority were simply unable to find all of the information necessary to figure out the problem. Although, I’m certain that some were just afraid to disclose certain key pieces of information because the truth, quite frankly, is so contrary to our current beliefs. Unfortunately, without these missing pieces, it’s impossible to understand, and to subsequently fix, the real problem occurring in relationships today.

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